The Happy End to what has been a Happy Year

Well this will be a short post.
My posts this year have been less frequent and rather short and that probably is being my mind is turning towards other things.
Or rather, JAN has become my walking talking blog. I need to talk about experiences because that is my annoying trait, I go to the Jan, the Jan fills his head up with my words and hey-presto: I'm done.

And this will be the last post of the year. I'm doing it early so I can get onto other things. Like proof-reading a friends chapter for this group I have started. And the writing the second draft of my own chapter from that Nanowrimo thing I entered. (Yes, I did end up writing the 50,000 words before the end of the month/deadline.) And wrapping Christmas presents.

All in all, this has been a fairly happy year. From camping to partying, the start of the year was celebration time and the end?...The end of 2009 brings me solidarity and confidence. I have a new job. I have been in a happy relationship for a year which prooves to be continuing. And I have set up a route for my future (e.g.: Ticket to Croatia, and driving lessons have begun again.)

But wow, I have been posting rarely. From two to one posts a month it looks like. So before I get uninteresting and turn into one of those bloggers with a blog full of posts that all say "Wow, I don't blog that much anymore!", here's a list of what I've blogged about in 2009:

JANUARY: Two posts.
1) This was '23 now... and sunburnt'. I was reluctant yet happy to say I was now going out with Jan Trupinic. Reluctant because I was focusing too much on how much younger he was (and still is) than me. Happy because being with him brought an unexpected joy. That joy continues to happen but it is now an expected one.
2) This was 'The Calm before the Storm'. I was annoyed at myself for having not gotten on to my Honours research essay, but I was also happy as I had just hosted the biggest smash of a party I had ever had: My 1920s themed 23rd. And it was awesome. There's even a photo of three lovely ladies from that party in this post!

FEBRUARY: Two posts.
1) 'I'm glad not to be burnt to a cinder...' The title was a reference to the fire bushes in Victoria, Australia that were happening at the time but the high point of this post was the camping at Kai Iwi with friends. An extremely fun and enjoyable experience. Unforgettable. Two photos from that event in this post.
2) 'I thought I could but I can't.' A not so happy post of stressing out over my new cat- Chloe, the Uniguide thing I got myself roped into at the time, and my research essay again. Only happy thing was my nephew being born.

MARCH: Two posts.
1)'The Last Stand at University' I had returned to uni and was about to embark on my last semester there. I had also started to teach Steff Moore(nee Green) piano lessons and my love of The Dresden Dolls had been rekindled.
2)'A post about repeated Names' was a fun post to do! Basically about what effect the name we are given seems to have on us.

APRIL:
'Thoughts of the Moment' was not much to say. I was about to become the god mother of Hugh, my nephew, which is very cool.

MAY: THREE posts!
1) 'Pop culture: I don't live THAT deep in a hole!' was about how I'm not really such the music elitist that I make myself out to be.
2) 'The reason why I ate the rest of the Creme Brule chocolate is because it was too damn tasty' was a general update. The main things that were happening were Karen moving out (and she was replaced by Claire who is lovely) and Chloe the cat coming back into the house after being a cat-hoboe for a few months.
3) 'Thought of the moment' was about how you can tell what someone is like from the music coming from their room. I was anticipating a new flatmate in this one.

JUNE:
'We all have Swine Flu and we're aaaalll going to die.... eventually'. The title was a reference to the silly swine flu gagagoogoo that was going on at the time. And that's what the post is about along with general updates over things in my life. Wow. When I read back on it... I'm really boring.

JULY:
'Just a few thoughts on Ambition' is about how different people have different amounts of amibiton. One of those lovely Topic-centred posts that I should have really done more of. Again I was musing over the strange but compatiable differences between my boyfriend and I. And I was looking like a diseased chipmunk while I was typing because it was just after I had all four of my wisdom teeth out: care of Jan's mum and her colleague.

AUGUST:
'Seasonal Illnesses' was me getting sick as I am wont to do at that time of year. And various hub-jubbery. Such as admitting Facebook is the cause for my not blogging. And kitty-loving.

SEPTEMBER:
'I think I have changed somewhat...' is about how I have become a slightly Cynical yet sometimes Idealising, non-Religious Feminist (but not really). It's hard to label one's self but lets be honest now... Labelling is so much FUN!

OCTOBER:
'Ah, but is the Rock so Progressive?' is about how my music tastes continue to change. Strange that I made no mention of Jan's 21st in this one. That wasn't the best of parties but it was still fun. Also in this post I make the first mention of Jared, who has become a very influential friend of mine.

NOVEMBER:
'At the End of the Day' is about a commonly-used right-wing saying.

And that bring us to now! :)
General update:
1) I have a new job. I will not go too much into detail, suffice to say that it is an administration job with a decent salary and I'm largely thankful towards a dear friend of mine for helping me get it.
2) Still working Saturdays at the watch makers. People are telling me I should throw the towel in for them because they haven't upped my pay but every little cent counts.
3) I've got the writing group underway. People into music and art are also a part of it. It's called 'Work in Progress' and I'm about to proofread the first chapter of a friends novel. FUN!
4) I'm currently reading Titus Groan: the first novel in Mervyn Peake's 'Gormenghast' trilogy. Excellent! Gotta love it when everyone's bizarre in their own way and the villian is a completely evil and yet charming teenage boy.
5) I am now playing Age of Mythology again. FAR to much. Oh, and I have resumed driving lessons with Mama.

Well that's all from me.
I probably won't write that much next year. Lets hope 2010 was as good as 2009 :)

"At the end of the day..."

As someone who reads a lot, and is now writing more too, I am well appreciative of various phrases that are used. I mean to say, certain cliches here and there for this and that.
'Close but no cigar.'
'What on earth do you mean?'
'In a pickle.'
'Take it or leave it.' Etc.
But there is one commonly used phrase that I can never get into the habit of using. This is because it is a phrase used by business men and politicians. Namely right-wing politicians.

"At the end of the day.... we're trying to boost our sales."
"At the end of the day.... the trickle down effect will occur."
"At the end of the day.... I want my dinner, dangit!"

It would be foolish of me to say that I don't like everyone who uses this phrase in their talking or writing. Some of these people are very nice, and the generalisations or conclusions that they are summing up when they use this phrase can be very sound and correct.
But what the phrase reeks of is a gross generalisation. The words seem to have an underlying sentence to them: "Despite all these little things that I should be taking into account, this is the main thing that I want to happen. So I hope I can brush all that aside and manipulate you into seeing my point of view."
I have heard three people in my life use the phrase frequently, and I have no respect for them because of how they used it.
This phrase = trying to gain wealth, voters, and enforce stereotypes.

But I don't mind if the phrase is used literally.
At the end of THIS day.... I will be at my parents house, making dinner for the family and partaking of my blueberry and sour cream loaf which is currently in the oven.
Mmmmmm.

Ah, but is the Rock so Progressive?

I have been listening to 'Wooden Ships' by Jefferson Airplane of late, and wishing I could play the piano and sing the woman's part for it. And gosh, that Grace Slick could (and can?) sing!
The ideal future for me would be to play it in a duet with my new friend Jared who is the lord of the guitar. He's a character too: got the long hair AND the love of 70s music, and he is a very kind man.

Reader's of this blog (and time has taught me there are more than I initially thought) would have noticed that I have broadened my love of music somewhat. I now appreciate Indie and Acoustic music far more than I did when the only genre on the tip of my tongue was "Progressive Rock."
Jan's dad lent me some Croatian, Serbian and Slovenian punk and folk the other day and it actually sounds pretty good. I love it.
Furthermore, I adore Jeff Buckley.
There's always a chance for everyone to grow up a bit. A narrow view reveals a weak mind.

..."Progressive Rock". What does that mean anyway?
I always thought it had something to do with the music "progressing" such as the 30 minute (possible slight exaggeration there) pieces by Yes or Emerson, Lake and Palmer that meld into different themes like Classical music does. But then 'Art Rock' bands are involved too. The songs by Uriah Heep and Roxy Music don't necessarily compare with this music that 'progresses'.
And then you go onto Progarchives.com to find that Progressive Rock can be snipped down into different sub-categories as well: Experimental post-metal, Neo-Prog, Prog Folk, Jazz Fusion, Zeuhl.... wtf is 'Zeuhl'?? Progarchives is now telling me it is a French coined word meaning classical influenced French rock.
Anyway, as you can see, all these sub-genres of the genre in question are particularly tacky. They would be good names for soda drinks too.

Nevertheless, I'm not recalling my love of Peter Gabriel era Genesis, etc. My favourite bands are still favourited.

For the record, this is the first time I've been on Prog Archives for a year or so, and only to make an unimportant point on this blog that is now being rarely updated by me.
Sorry folks :(
I think life has caught up with me.

I'll be entering NaNoWriMo in November: www.nanowrimo.org
and I hope to make something of it too. I've also started the foundations of a group with my friends who want to write/draw/play music. Creativeness is still in me, but now I'm trying to be a bit more active about it.

I think I have changed somewhat...

I think I have changed quite a bit since 2009 began. I don't know if this is the influence of Jan and his family, or of the general feeling of realism that sweeps over one when they reach the end of a degree that will probably get them nowhere.

Religion
I was an Agnostic Catholic Christian when I began writing this blog. Then I was leaning towards the Christian. Now I'm leaning to the Agnostic side, with a feeling that there being a God may be one of wishful thinking. There's still a glimmer of hope in me that there might be but not as much idealising of the after life. The truth is- nobody can prove these things.
Furthermore, I'm less likely to believe anything spiritual. E.g.: The idea of ghosts is spooky and still scares me but I doubt the explanation for these things is anything more than scientific occurences.
Dammit... I've become so cynical!

Idealising?
The problem is that I still idealise about lifestyle choices. But what humane and civilized person doesn't really?
E.g.: We should all listen to Classical music and appreciate it. OH YES!
However, I'm still an idealist in the preachy and annoying sense. That's my mother's influence, and I don't think it will go away.

Feminist... a little bit
Either it's the influence of my boyfriend's mother(ex-goth, slightly feminist, Croatian dentist, 'strong woman' figure) or the fact Jan is the type of man to have *ultimate* respect for women, which is what I adore, or because I have been too often subject to hearing slightly chauvinist jokes cracked by the man in my workplace who I am not too fond of; these are jokes which I was brought up to think are not appropriate in the presence of a lady, but unfortunately the ugly truth is that not all the world has a decent amount of tact.
The result: I'm just a wee bit more feminist than I was before. I get more irritated if ever there is a joke cracked which has hints of being male chauvinist in it, or if women are grouped together as a sterotypical 'one person'.
Not the type of feminist who thinks all women should lord it over all men- I hate that kindof mindset.

MUSIC... again. (The topic will never leave this blog anyway.)
Maybe some pop music isn't so bad. I mentioned this in more detail in a previous blog. But what I want to make clear in this one is that, YES I have my brain horribly infected at the end of a working day listening to 'The Edge' or whatever, ew- yucky mainstream music, but I really am a fan of Lily Allen, Empire of the Sun, MGMT, and Shakira. (Yes- Shakira the Spanish belly-dancer who also happens to be an anthropologist.)
Music + wit= Intelligent Entertainment= I like it.
Music + fairly good melody + slightly sexy= I like it too.
For what is wrong with dancing?

Say oooh, girl- Shock me like an electric eel!

In other words, I'm slowly taking off the 'music SNOB' mask.
'Music nerd' I will always be though. That will never change.

Seasonal Illnesses

Well, it looks like I am writing less and less on here. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing since either I'm putting my energy towards something more productive or I'm just transferring it to Facebook. Facebook is certainly taking over the world.
Fact.

Currently reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and... surprisingly enjoying it. I read it before I went to bed and picked up again at 4.30 when I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Chloe nuzzled and purred, always trying to get my attention as she does, while she observed me in the surprised manner that a cat does when it's favourite human wakes up early. Waking up early = food for kitty.
The silver-grey cat is now by the heater which is her new happy place.

I'm going to take a day off from work today. In my life every thing is well except work and I can't say things have been going too smoothly in there. Now I'm looking for something better because my lack of happiness is getting a wee bit frustrating and, if a trip to Croatia and Britain is in order for the middle of next year, then I doubt I'll be doing my MA until 2011. Reality first: money is good.

However, do not imagine that I'm not going to work today just to skive off and be a naughty girl. The reason I work up early was because I couldn't breathe properly. For it is time for my asthma/flu symptoms to irritate me. These come at least twice a year: once before winter and again before spring. Now that it is nearly spring (next month), I think my body can feel the change in the temperature. SO it plays-up, like an old video recorder, and causes me to cough for pro-longed periods and get an annoying blocked nose.
Annoying!

No- it's not the Swine Flu. It's just my body doing what my body does. I have a very naff Nervous System and it's entirely not my fault.
Ah. Life.

Just a few short thoughts on Ambition

It's been a longer-than-usual period for me to leave my blog idle. But that's only for me. I took the liberty of checking all the links at the side of my own blog to see if anyone else had placed entries which I had not seen. Only a few people who I am not all that close to have updated theirs, but also Steff who is now touring Europe and I have just added her onto the links. Jan has long-since turned out to be the kind of guy to hate on blogging himself, as did Jack discover at the end of 2006 (if you click on his, you can read I was still going out with him at the time. Yikes.), and even Leila and Josh are quiet these days. Meredith only posted one thing even earlier than Jack stopped posting, so take it as an historical record, and Elisabeth's blog is now quite non-existant.
For a small giggle at severe sarcasm, you can click on my brother Benedict's blog... which happens to not be a blog.
As for Nessa, she hasn't updated for two months because of a mixture of bad internet connection methinks (she's living with her parents where there is only dial-up) and because she doesn't think anyone reads her blog. Little does she know, these eyes of mine are always on the look-out for new people's voices.

My own reason for not updating may be because I can't think of what to write... TOPIC wise. Actually, now and then I think 'Yep, that would be a good idea for a short blog of the type that people would care to read about.' (Because, face it, you aaaall skim-read. No worries, I do too actually.) but then it's late at night and I think 'Whatever' and go to bed. I can't pretend it's because I've been busy. On the contrary, I'm working only part-time (because that's all the time the company I'm working for can give me) and not going back to Uni this Semester. I intend to spend this time pursuing my creative abilities and reeeeally thinking properly about what I want to do my MA Thesis on.

So far, my Creative abilities have been pursued thus: 2 x comics written, some of my old fiction typed up (I did a blog post at the beginning of 2008 in which I outlined I have finished typing up all my notable poetry from my teens. Now I'm doing that with my fiction from the past 5 years.) and some uncompleted stories to be completed, a water-colour picture in progress as of this afternoon and, of course, time to play the piano. Sing and play guitar... though I need to get new nylon strings for my guitar as the high E-string has snapped. Argh. I'm also reading books too, not that that's anything to do with my creative abilities but I'm able to get around to it now that I'm no longer studying.

I've always been ambitious but I can't pretend I've been successful. I know this sounds pessimistic but maybe that's because I have taken a while to realise the unrealistic extent of my ambition from yesteryears.
Eg: As for being a curator, I'm really not so sure now. There are plenty of museumy type jobs that other people seem to have but which I, somehow, strangely miss out on. Instead I'm comfortable surfing the sea of administration that fate has given me.

Do not take this post the wrong way (i.e.: I am not upset or depressed or any of that whiney bullshit. Temporarily face-swollen and ugly- yes! But that's only because I have recently had my wisdom teeth out.)

I have decided that one's family and upbringing really do affect how much ambition one has. My family is a whole myriad of ambitions, because my family is so damn huge. Not all of my siblings have the same way of going about things (oh HELL no!) but there seems to be one thing in common: we all believe that we need to pursue *something*. We do not sit idley in the face of our own potential. Hence the frantic way my mind points to things:

Imogen's Mind: 'Oh shit! I'm twenty-three and I haven't done anything to make myself particularly proud yet, expect achieve a BA and survive living away from the parents and supporting myself. Soon I'll be 30 and nothing would have changed. My GOD, that's average! QUICK- what am I good at? Singing, writing, drawing, YES-drawing! I want the walls of my room to be COVERED in all the landscapes that I have seen in my dreams!'

Uh... yeah. You see what I mean about the unrealism in some of my ambitions. No, the walls of my bedroom are not covered in landscapes that I have painted but, rather, Monet.

When you compare someone who is internally frantic about their ambition with someone like... well... my current boyfriend Jan, you get two incredibly different people.
Jan appears to be hardly ambitious and yet he does want to do everything correctly which is what makes him stressed out at times when I would rather lie back and shrug in his place. For example, he is doing an English paper this semester and needs to have something ready for the tutorial on Friday. Indeed, when the boy doesn't understand something, he does complain muchly. "Oh no- we need to have a topic ready but how can we if we don't have a set text to talk about the topic with??'
But that's the extent of his ambition. When it comes to his creative abilities, he shies well away from the world.
I think he can sing; He doesn't want to.
I think he can act; He doesn't want to enter the world of acting again.
I think he can write; Maybe he'll pursue that more. I hope he will anyway.
He's going to study Law, not because he apparently is passionate about anything to do with Law but because 'I dunno... it will get me a job after Uni.'
...Okidoki. Have fun then. (I say)
I suppose that really is the Arts Student talking in me since anyone else would say that his answer was a reasonable one, but I can't understand the idea of studying something you're not even a little excited about.
Then I look at his parents and I see why this might be. His Mum is a dentist and his Dad is a librarian. Both have a wonderful 'Whatever' attitude to anything they don't care about... which is a lot of things. I said in an eariler post that they have three cats and they act like them too: lounging. Two of these cats don't seem to like human beings too much, except Felix. Felix is mostly like Jan, and likes being patted. (But Jan is not a ginger fatty like Felix.)

I suppose the point of this post is to show what a varying thing ambition is. Sometimes it flares up inside someone then dies down the next day. But for everyone there is usually a happy medium. For anyone whose ambition changes TOO much then they are one of the changeable characters who I have dealt with a few times and would rather not again.
Keep your direction in life steady, my friends. Or else you will get horribly confused.

Now I had better call my manager at work and tell him how hideous I am and that he may not want me at work when he sees me...

Hopefully I'll get my normal face back soonish.

We all have Swine Flu and we're aaaaall going to die. Eventually.

Silly people.
I am living in New Zealand and if any people in other countries are reading this, let me tell you the reality of the situation: We're not zombies.
Ok, that was the SHORT version. Here's a better explanation:
Swine flu is simply good ol' influenza except caught from pigs. Note that people die from influenza too but our living style and technology has advanced in the ninety-one years since the last epidemic of influenza in this country, which was in 1918.
Unless one is particularly stupid and unhygenic, nothing will change.
Don't spit on each other and don't sneeze into the air- it's fucking repulsive!
But, unfortunately, the truth is that there are many stupid people around. I suppose therein lies the problem.
I'm just a bit sick of all the goddamn trivia. There is a person at work who I would like to lock in a cold cellar with no water for a number of reasons but one is that he harps on, in his characteristic effing monologues, about the illness as if it's the start of the apocalypse and as if my other colleague and I are less informed about personal hygeine than he is.

Person: "So do you guys know the difference between a cold and a flu? I'll tell you: When you get a cold you just get a snotty nose and maybe a cough but if you have a flu you get faint and you're head isn't right and..."
Me: "Um...dude. My sister, who is a doctor, HAS told me all of this you know."
Person: "Oh....Right."

Anyway, enough of talking about naff things, like naff work, because work isn't so very naff when it brings me money. I'm actively saving from now on anyway. My future is a mysterious and wonderful thing, and it ought to be planned and prepared for.

Noteworthy happenings since my last blog update... which was ages ago.
1) I have finished my research essay and both exams, which means all my work for Honours is over. Yay!
2) New flatmate moved in: an English girl called Claire. She is extremely lovely and has already come to a gig with my friends and I. Plus she loves animals and, therefore, adores my Chloe. *Happy :) *
3) Chloe has become even more affectionate and sometimes sleeps on my bed. At 6am in the morning, she is there scratching on my door. "Riaow?" Why won't you feed me, damnit? "Miiiiiaow?" And when she claims my lap, she fricken CLAIMS it! Trying to type on the laptop or eat my food is totally out of the question.
4) A pretty big First Birthday was held for my nephew Dylan which I was apprehensive to go to at first since I simply never feel comfortable at the house of my sister's inlaws, let alone dealing with a a large amount of people so close to my exams. (Mum used to hassle me about wanting my 'precious ME-time', which is why I'm so happy now that I moved out.) Seeing my father in a silly hat, being forced to read picture books to young children, gave me ONE kind of amusement...and pain; seeing my sister Henrietta forced to play the violin gave me another. It was nice to see everyone, but even nicer to go. I seriously don't think little Dylan would have given a rat's arse.
5) The generosity of Jan's mother is almost stiffleing. Same with Jan. I am being treated like a Princess. I may be getting my wisdom teeth out for free, if need be. (That's the same operation poor Janocles (that's his new nick-name!!) had to go through earlier this year.... the guy looked like a chipmunk and I was mean and hassled him about poetry and stuff when he should have been relaxing. I have learnt better behaviour since though; just one look from his brown eyes lets me know what I'm really made of.) His mum recently offered to give him money to take me away for a weekend in order to celebrate his 21st. However, I think I have persuaded him that a PARTY ought to be in order for a 21st... not some kind of a honeymoon.
6) I'm becoming more of a trivia-geek in the sense that, if I am interested in something, I google and research it. I am currently fangirl enough to go gaga over the fact Neil Gaiman is dating Amanda Palmer. Coincidentally, I have started reading Anansi Boys and am learning to play Slide by the Dresden Dolls on the piano. It's just wonderful that two minds of such creativity can join in happiness instead of clash together, as creative minds are wont to do (e.g. F. Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald). Plus, I sincerely love their work, individually.

Anything else springing to my mind?... not really. A few more problems with other siblings, a few complaints about associates, but it's sincerely all the same riff-raff. It's 9.40pm and I'm working a full week this week. I ought to play Black is the Colour (of my true love's hair) on the guitar a few more times before I sleep.

Black is the colour of my true loves hair.
His lips are like summer roses fair.
He has the sweetest smile and the gentlest hands.
I love the ground whereon he stands.

I mean every word.

Ooh, look! It's a kitty-cat: